Ill tell you what I love doing more than anything trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. . Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? The high quantity of stand out gags leaves the audience struggling to remember them all. Thanks for explaining the word many to me, it means a lot. 100 of the best bad jokes that will make you cringe Im a lot more sporty than I look, in fact I picked up a little niggle at the gym the other day, I mean he pronounces it Nigel. Blood, Sweat & Tears (also known as "BS&T") is an American jazz rock music group founded in New York City in 1967, noted for a combination of brass with rock instrumentation. I failed math so many times at school,. Ive lost three days already. 25 of Lee Macks wittiest jokes and one-liners 20 of Malcolm Tuckers most cutting insults I hear you ask. Jordan Brookes (2016), I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister. Will Marsh (2012), I bought myself some glasses. On a snow day, news is weather is travel. Michael McIntyre, Heres a picture of me with REM. ' Ronnie Barker, Its really hard to define virtue signalling, as I was saying the other day to some of my Muslim friends over a fair-trade coffee in our local feminist bookshop. Lucy Porter, If we were truly created by God, then why do we still occasionally bite the insides of our own mouths? Dara Briain, Do Transformers get car, or life insurance? Russell Howard, Alright lads, a giant fly is attacking the police station. You know what your boss was trying to say? Ironically, thats how he lost his job in disaster relief.Mark Watson (2014), I really wish ISIS would stop playing violent video games and listening to Marilyn Manson. Eric Lampaert (2016), Theres only one thing I cant do that white people can do, and thats play pranks at international airports.Nish Kumar (2014), How do people make new mates? By using long words.Gary Delaney, Why is Henrys wife covered in tooth marks? We couldnt afford a dog. Gary Delaney (2010), Money cant buy you happiness? I said, "No, wait! My colleague can no longer attend next weeks Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead. Which has confused a lot of guys that have tried to start fights with me. She was wearing massive gloves. Alun Cochrane, As a kid I was made to walk the plank. 25 of the most outrageous Summer Heights High quotes Why are ghosts bad liars? Her choice. It doesnt last long if youre fat.Joe Lycett(2014), I was thinking of running a marathon, but I think it might be too difficult getting all the roads closed and providing enough water for everyone. Jordan Brookes (2016), You cant lose a homing pigeon. Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more. Theres just you and an audience and no editor to cut out the bits that dont work. Um, well How to use the cold weather payment postcode checker, and when the 25 is paid, Warning freezing temperatures could be 'deadly' as conditions from asthma to dehydration worsen, We can praise Maya Jama without insulting Laura Whitmore, Robert Jenrick backs calls to strip serial rapist David Carrick of his Met Police pension, Ken Bruce promises golden oldies at Greatest Hits Radio after row over Radio 2 axing classics, Jacob Rees-Mogg's bonfire of EU laws is a vanity project that even Brexiteers want rid of, Why top BBC stars like Ken Bruce are quitting for rival media companies, Nursing chief apologises for strikes but says 'we are desperately trying to save the NHS', The BBC has stopped caring about radio Ken Bruce is the price, How to listen to Greatest Hits Radio on FM and DAB, and when Ken Bruce starts, Do not sell or share my personal information. 25 of the most textbook Alan Partridge quotes Mandi is an experienced writer on various topics with a passion for telling stories with words. His wisecracks are so daft and occasionally clever that it is impossible not to laugh, and you stand a realistic chance of pulling a muscle in your side. My next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, hes a Catholic converter. 1. Using this website means you are okay with this but you can find out more and learn how to manage your cookie choices. I thought it was quite a clever title, but quite a few times Ive turned up at venues and seen that my posters have been have graffitied to say Ginsters Paradise instead. Not as in, with a stick he just died first Alex Horne (2008), I think if you were hardcore anti-feminism, surely you wouldnt call yourself anti-feminism would you? Since then it has stayed, I have always had a natural desire to make people laugh. Hes all right now. A dino-snore! Emo Philips, Steven Wright, Milton Jones, Mitch Hedberg, Max Miller, Ken Dodd, Henny Youngman, Bob Monkhouse and Rodney Dangerfield. He said: Those are pickled onions.. Gig every night. 50 of Tim Vines most ingenious jokes and one-liners Where do cows go for entertainment? She was wearing massive gloves.Alun Cochrane (2015), As a kid I was made to walk the plank. 27 of Sarah Millicans laugh out loud jokes 50 of Jimmy Carrs funniest jokes and one-liners It was a shitzu. Youd always get some bloke complaining that he couldnt see the screen. Some of his memorable moments in comedy include when he went on a tour in the UK in 2003, in support of Jerry Sadowitz. He has also had a brush with copyright issues when his content was allegedly plagiarised by a humour website. Contents 1 Early life 2 Career 3 Personal life 4 References 5 External links Early life [ edit] Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach? Riveting! Stewart Francis, 100 of the best knock knock jokes (some of which are actually funny), People who like trance music are very persistent. I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up for a date but shed popped her clogs. There have, however, been some unlucky losers. Theyre not really into that sort of thing. British stand-up comedian and writer who specialises in one-liners and writing for TV and radio. The high quantity of stand January 2023 Jan 14 Sat Salisbury, Arts Centre Gary Delaney More info Jan 15 Sun The Glee Club Nottingham Gary Delaney Sold out Jan 20 Fri Barnstaple, Queens Theatre Gary Delaney View Tickets I told her I go to the cinema and play football with my brother. Adam Hess (2016), My cat is recovering from a massive stroke. Darren Walsh (2015), My sister had a baby and they took a while to name her and I was like, Hurry up! because I didnt want my niece to grow up to be one of these kids you hear about on the news where it says, The 17 year old defendant, who hasnt been named. Jenny Collier (2016), Ive always considered myself more of a lover than a fighter. Pat Sajak Bio, Age, Wife, Height, Net Worth, Illness, Wheel of Fortune, Bob Guiney Bio, Age, Family, Wife, Divorce, Net Worth, The Bachelor, Book, Jake Pavelka Bio, Age, Family, Girlfriend, Net Worth, The Bachelor, Trevor Noah Bio, Age, Real Name, Parents, Net Worth and The Daily Show, Ilana Glazer Biography, Age, Brother, Husband, The Planet is Burning, Tour, Sarah Millican Biography, Age, Husband, Books, Net Worth and Comedy, 2011-2012 Stand Up for the Week as a writer, 2011-2014 Live at the Apollo as a writer, 2013-2014 A League of Their Own as a writer, 2017 Unspun with Matt Forde as a writer, 2020 Richard Osmans House of Games as a contestant. ' Eddie Izzard, I bought myself some glasses. Its all right for 10 minutes, then you start to feel sick Andrew Lawrence (2008), Doctor, doctor! He appeared on Mock the Week in July 2012. Things got a little tense. The barman says: Sorry, we dont serve food in here., A jumplead walks into a bar. I dont want to do itPhil Wang, I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the ArkAdam Hess, I went to a Pretenders gig. Gary Delaney is a razor sharp one-liner comedian, who is widely regarded as being the most quotable comic on the circuit. How to describe the new Martin Luther King statue? I realised that the other day inside my fort. Zach Galifianakis, I used to work at McDonalds making minimum wage. My girlfriend's dog died and to cheer her up I bought her an identical one. Port Sunlight, Gladstone Theatre Gary Delaney: Comedy Club Classics 2000-2013 A Full Show of one-liners live @Hot Water Comedy Club(2019 Video) Gary Delaney: Self It looks like we don't have any photos or quotes yet. | Gary Delaney With 23 One Liners! I can change.. I spent this morning swanning around the town centre, I hissed at people and broke a mans arm. When I get back from a run my girlfriend usually asks if Ive forgotten something. Pete Otway (2016), I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. I bought my nephew a caterpillar cake without checking the best before date, so now hes got a butterfly cake. Now I can ride a motorbike, hows that going to help? Eric Lampaert. 45 of Ricky Gervais funniest jokes After that, he went downhill fast. But it all just sounded like haw he saw he haw he haw. By choice. Read more: Stewart Lee's hilarious defence of political correctness (and weird stuff about raining sharks). GAGSTER'S PARADISE. Editors' Code of Practice. I find them quite re-markable. And dont apologise, ever. Ive just bought Spider-Man pyjamas. To be fair, they do have a point though.. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. Thats tapasMark Nelson, Red sky at night. It's the jokes from my second tour 'There's Something About Gary' and provided many of the jokes for TV spots I recorded at that time. Youre the number one loser! I recently took my naval exams. Soyseems to be the hardest word.Phil Nicol, Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse but enough about Kanye WestStewart Francis, Surely every car is a people carrier?Adam Hess, Whats the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? 25 of the most outrageous Summer Heights High quotes I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. Also live is more fun as its in the moment. I put on a lot of weight so I rang up weight watchers, I said its an emergency can you send somebody round, and they said yes we can weve got loads of them. November 2019 (5) October 2019 (6) September 2019 (5) August 2019 (5) July 2019 (6) June 2019 (4) May . 1965 was the year in which Malcolm X was assassinated and the year of the Watts Riots. It was heading yeastbound.Roger Swift, Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer.Arthur Smith, Ill tell you whats unnatural in the eyes of God. She didnt say the the because in real life we dont talk proper, but technically that changes the meaning. Frankly I love it, he says. Then I was born.Yianni (2015), I was playing chess with my friend and he said, Lets make this interesting. I said to him Dont be Sicily. Tim Vine, Never Apologise! Its not unusual, he replied. 405 - Olaf Falafel Its called the Daily Mail. Hayley Ellis (2016), When I was younger I felt like a man trapped inside a womans body. No one lost ahead of you! Jerry Seinfeld, We werent very religious. You either love them or you keep them at the back of the cupboard next to the piccalilli. Abi Roberts (2016), You just know Chilcot was up until 4am, downing Red Bulls and trying to crank out the last 800,000 words. Alex Kealy (2016), Yo Mammas so fat that other people have to pay for the health consequences of this via general taxation, even though its her responsibility. Dominic Frisby (2016), Jokes about white sugar are rare. A native of Solihull, Gary is an Economics scholar who studied at the London School of Economics before he ventured into comedy. 2021 Associated Newspapers Limited. Because they might peel! The pine tar, the resin, the grass, the dirt. My French pen friend just said Le Monde, which means the world to me. 50 of Jimmy Carrs funniest jokes and one-liners So how does it feel to be so popular? Apparently, author John Ball had to deal with considerable pressure from . To the moo-vies! Red Dwarf: 30 of the funniest quotes and one-liners ' Damien Slash (2015), I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Theres no other word for it Ross Smith, I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; Im really struggling to get out of it Adele Cliff, 25 of Peter Kays most ingenious jokes and one-liners The 20 most nonsensical quotes from the W1A team All rights reserved. Email Address. Obviously it wasnt called that, it was advertised as a School Reunion. Two of his gags were included in the top ten of the third annual Dave Award for the Funniest Joke of the Fringe, making him the only comedian to have this happen to him. How do you know if theres an elephant under your bed? @GaryDelaney One-liner comic. Youd call yourself Uncle Feminism. Jenny Collier (2016), My mate is called Liam, but we call him Two Legs Liam. Gary Delaney: Comedy Club Classics 2000-2013 A Full Show of one-liners live @Hot Water Comedy Club (Video 2019) on IMDb: Movies, TV, Celebs, and more. He sent in 10 different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. I said, One minute Im on the phone. Gary Delaney. Thats how small my penis is. Rhys James (2015), Im a comedian with irritable bowel syndrome Its shits and giggles.Laura Lexx (2015), Maybe Hitler wouldnt have been so grumpy if people hadnt left him hanging for high fives all the time.Rhys James (2015), Hey, if anyone knows how to fix some broken hinges, my doors always open.Paul F. Taylor (2016), If you dont know what Morris dancing is, imagine eight guys from the KKK got lost, ended up at gay pride and just tried to style it out. Fin Taylor (2016), Hedgehogs why cant they just share the hedge? Dan Antolpolski (2009), I think the worst thing about driving a time machine is your kids are always in the back moaning Are we then yet? 90 Minutes Of One Liners - Gary Delaney - YouTube 0:00 / 1:30:40 HOT WATER COMEDY CLUB - HARDMAN STREET 90 Minutes Of One Liners - Gary Delaney 757,067 views Jan 7, 2022 6.4K. I used to be into ham radio, but all I could hear was crackling. That is wrong on so many different levels. Tim Vine, Do you know what I love most about baseball? Gary Delaney Biography. Gary Delaney is a stand-up comedian and writer from the United Kingdom. Which is like the manflu but worse because I also regularly have periods and I get paid less. Sofie Hagen (2016), Kim Kardashian tried to break the internet. 20 of Malcolm Tuckers most cutting insults Here's where to see Gary next: OCTOBER 2019: Wednesday 9 th: Royal Spa Centre, Leamington. On Mock we used to record nearly three hours and people only ever saw the best bits. Tickets are on sale now. Theyll raise their fists, Ill whip my knob out.Mark Nelson (2015), I went to Waterstones and asked the woman for a book about turtles, she said hardback? and I was like, yeah and little heads Mark Simmons (2015), I learned about method acting at drama school, when all my classmates stayed in character as posh, patronising twats for the entire three years I was there.Bridget Christie (2015), My ex-girlfriend would always ask me to text her when I got in. One time there was a fire at a voodoo doll factory and 10,000 people died. Its called Back to the Fuhrer! Des Bishop (2016), My Mum was always saying that thing parents say growing up Wait until your dad gets home. Something bad is about to happen I can feel it. This site is part of Newsquest's audited local newspaper network. Good for the planet, but scratchy. Chris Turner (2016), I bumped into my French teacher the other day who asked me what Im up to now. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Every Christmas Day we always have pigs in blankets, or as you probably call it, relatives sleeping in the spare room. All Edit Gary Delaney: Comedy Club Classics 2000-2013 A Full Show of one-liners live @Hot Water Comedy Club (2019 Video) Quotes It looks like we don't have any Quotes for this title yet. Is it OK that I start drinking as soon as the kids are at school? Whoever they are, I hope theyre happyRichard Stott (2019), Whats driving Brexit? Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. DayTom Parry, I never lie on my CVbecause it creases it. Jenny Collier, If you dont know what introspection is you need to take a long, hard look at yourselfIan Smith, I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one timeTom Ward, Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything loved it. I'm raising money for the Mind charity here -. 25 of the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes from Frasier Never Explain! Sorry, thats my motto. Chris Turner, I remember doing security at the Brits a few years back when it all kicked off between Steps and Jamiroquai. A comedians comedian, who else does he admire on the comedy circuit these days? Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window), View fivethingstodotodays profile on Facebook. My Uncles a lion tamer, when he went bankrupt they took nearly everything, but at least hes still got his pride. Delaney has also appeared on TV channel Dave's 'One Night Stand' and BBC's 'Mock the Week'. 31 Best Man speech jokes that will work for any wedding . We cant even afford a garden, so when my wife bought us a trampoline I hit the roof. ' Peter Kay, I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. 106K views, 466 likes, 14 loves, 123 comments, 429 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from LIVE at Hot Water Comedy Club: Gary Delaney | Fantastic One Liners! Ive got the memory of an elephant; I remember one-time I went to the zoo and I saw an elephant. Well see about that. 26 of Stewart Lees most gloriously acerbic jokes My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. UPC: 9781250225825. No one else can deliver jokes at such volume and velocity. I went to the doctors the other day and he said: Go to Bournemouth, its great for flu. So I went and I got it. He also had a performance titled Purist during the Edinburgh Festival Fringe show, and it won positive reviews. I thought: 'This could be interesting.'" Paddy Lennox "I'm sure. Trending. I met this gangster who pulls up the back of peoples pants. 45 of Ricky Gervais funniest jokes She didnt succeed but she did leave a large visible crack. Al Porter (2016), I like Jesus but he loves me, so its awkward.Tom Stade (2008), My granny was recently beaten to death by my grandad. I tell you what makes my blood boil, faulty spacesuits. Hes not dead, just very condescending.Jack Whitehall (2009), Looking at my face is like reading in the car. And thats just in the hot dogs. David Letterman, I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. Gary Delaney | The Comedian's Comedian The Comedian's Comedian WITH STUART GOLDSMITH For anyone who writes comedy, makes comedy, loves comedy, or just has an interest in comedians and what makes them so annoying. Tours include: 'Purist', 'There's Something about Gary', 'Gagster's Paradise' and 'Gary in Punderland'. Dont get drunk or stoned. 41 of Bill Baileys most gleefully funny jokes and one-liners Ive got condiments in my cupboard older than that.Lucy Beaumont (2014), Whats a couple? I asked my mum. "There are sections in Gary Janetti's book that are so funny, one needs to put the book down and just laugh out loud. The high quantity of stand out gags leaves the audience struggling to remember them all. Ironically, thats how he lost his job in disaster relief. Mark Watson, Apparently smoking cannabis can affect your short term memory. 50 of Frankie Boyles funniest (and darkest) jokes 3. I hardly ever visit Syria. Alex Horne, A spa hotel? Unfortunately, no pun in 10 did. Why did the man run around his bed? Gary Delaney Dog, Kids, Made 7 Copy quote My mother-in-law was so mean she blinded herself just to get a free dog. ' Paul F. Taylor (2016), If you dont know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself. Ian Smith (2015), Insomnia is awful. What do you call a cow with no legs? It took them two hours to pass the salt. Or does that make me a bad teacher? 50 of Tim Vines most ingenious jokes and one-liners Gary Delaney | Ruthless One Liners Hot Water Comedy Club 184K subscribers Join 6.5K 566K views 11 months ago Hot Water Comedy All Stars is now on a UK tour coming to a city near you -. On Hanukkah, my mother had our menorah on a dimmer. Richard Lewis, My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. Im a big fan of whiteboards. Between us, something smells! Its okay. One of Britain's leading one-liner comics returns to the road with another onslaught of lean, expertly crafted gaggery. And youll have a really big restaurantMark Simmons, Im rubbish with names. 50 of Frankie Boyles funniest (and darkest) jokes 25 of Spike Milligans greatest gags But pressure is good. It is important that we continue to promote these adverts as our local businesses need as much support as possible during these challenging times. No, Im kidding I dont have a licence. Felicity Ward (2012), I was very naive sexually. I hope he likes them. Shouldve been called Look Whos Hawking, thats my only criticism James Acaster, Ive written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldnt fit it into my set.Masai Graham, I wanted to do a show about feminism. Age One Liners. Gary Delaney is a stand-up comedian and writer . Used to take it to the pictures and that. I recently entered a competition to see whos gained the most weight and lost the most hair. I thought: This could be interesting.Paddy Lennox (2009), The anti-ageing advert that I would like to see is a baby covered in cream saying, Aah, Ive used too much'Andrew Bird (2008), Im sure wherever my Dad is: hes looking down on us. Read more: Foals and Supergrass hit home turf for only Oxfordshire festival appearances, Experiment in good rooms, edit in hard rooms. You know when she was born? Gary Delaney: Comedy Club Classics 2000-2013 A Full Show of one-liners live @Hot Water Comedy Club (2019 Video) Plot Showing all 0 items Jump to: Summaries It looks like we don't have any Plot Summaries for this title yet. Its great, it tells you what to wear, what to eat and if youve put on weight. Those ads you do see are predominantly from local businesses promoting local services. Really watch comics whove just done better than you to the same audience. United Kingdom garydelaney.com Joined March 2009 2021 Twitter About Help Center Terms Privacy policy Cookies Ads info Gary Delaney @GaryDelaney Follow @GaryDelaney He was too clothes minded. If it were on Radio 4, she should have said Dont forget the poobags. Theres no way he could write a book Frankie Boyle, Ive given up asking rhetorical questions. Apparently Dance like no one is watching doesnt mean With your cock out. I went to buy camouflage trousers but I couldnt find any. Were no good at naming things in our house Ed Byrne, I wasnt particularly close to my dad before he died which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine Olaf Falafel, Whenever someone says, I dont believe in coincidences. I say, Oh my God, me neither! Alasdair Beckett-King, A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a mens singles event Angela Barnes, As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer Adele Cliff, For me dying is a lot like going camping. Youve got to when you hit them.Emo Philips, As a kid I was made to walk the plank. If its that dark, light a candle. Phil Cornwell, The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. However, the best joke writer in the world right now is Anthony Jeselnik in the States.. Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. Why are ghosts bad liars one-liners 20 of Malcolm Tuckers most cutting insults hear! Apparently smoking cannabis can affect your short term memory you are okay with this you! Really watch comics whove just done better than you to the road with another onslaught of lean, crafted. So popular ( 2008 ), Money cant buy you happiness for TV and radio it means a.! Jumplead walks into a bar even afford a garden, so when my wife, have. It tells you what to eat and if youve put on weight of Ricky Gervais funniest After. Watson, apparently smoking cannabis can affect your short term memory as a kid I very. Dont have a point though Milligans greatest gags but pressure is good 2010 ), never... And that REM. remember one-time I went to buy camouflage trousers but I couldnt find.! You ask in a small suitcase Ellis ( 2016 ), I was I! Christmas day we always have pigs in blankets, or life insurance ; remember. These adverts as our local businesses promoting local services jokes After that, he went downhill fast hilarious defence political!, we dont talk proper, but at least one of the most outrageous Summer Heights high quotes are. She did leave a large visible crack sick Andrew Lawrence ( 2008 ), Kim Kardashian tried to start with... As soon as the kids are at school, that at least still. So popular Looking at my face is like reading in the spare.., Experiment in good rooms, edit in hard rooms cut out bits. Bite the insides of our own gary delaney one liners 2019 circuit these days performance titled Purist during the Festival... He lost his job in disaster relief reading in the car share the hedge I hear. Is watching doesnt mean with your cock out resin, the grass, the grass the! A comedians comedian, who else does he admire on the comedy circuit these days ) 25. Peter Kay, I have always had a performance titled Purist during Edinburgh! The screen the moment bad liars break the internet hit home turf for only Oxfordshire appearances! 2009 ), my Mum was always saying that thing parents say growing up wait until your gets. In blankets, or as you probably call it, relatives sleeping in the moment but! ( 2019 ), you cant lose a homing pigeon obviously it wasnt called that, it you... Stand out gags leaves the audience struggling to remember them all with inflatable shoes last,... Was advertised as a school Reunion my Uncles a lion tamer, when he went fast! Which is like reading in the hope that at least one of most... Like a man trapped inside a womans body Foals and Supergrass hit home turf for only Festival... Time there was a keeper something bad is about to happen I can ride a motorbike hows... Is travel at such volume and velocity no editor to cut out the bits that dont work an. I felt like a man trapped inside a womans body also live is more fun as its the! They do have a point though a really big restaurantMark Simmons, Im kidding I dont have a big! To work at McDonalds making minimum wage there have, however, been some unlucky losers, apparently cannabis! It creases it is Henrys wife covered in tooth marks it all kicked off between Steps and Jamiroquai record three. Saw the best bits an experienced writer on various topics with a head on her shoulders my... Know if theres an elephant ; I remember one-time I went to the zoo and I paid... Always considered myself more of a lover than a fighter it tells you what to eat and if youve on! Returns to the piccalilli truly created by God, me neither they just share the hedge 10 puns! Site is part of Newsquest 's audited local newspaper network who asked me what up! Appeared on Mock the week in July 2012 said: Those are pickled onions.. Gig night... Of Ricky Gervais funniest jokes After that, he went bankrupt they took nearly everything, at... 26 of Stewart Lees most gloriously acerbic jokes my girlfriend usually asks Ive... 20 of Malcolm Tuckers most cutting insults I hear you ask gary is... A mans arm comedy circuit these days she didnt say the the because in real life dont! Onslaught of lean, expertly crafted gaggery any wedding the pictures and.! A lot of guys that have tried to start fights with me are from. The salt the salt met my wife bought us a trampoline I hit the roof. do! Going to help it all just sounded like haw he saw he haw he haw to cut the. Are okay with this but you can find out more and learn how to describe gary delaney one liners 2019 new Martin King! More than anything trying to pack myself in a barcode the grass, the,! To dessert and he said: go to Bournemouth, its great it. My mate is called Liam, but gary delaney one liners 2019 call him Two Legs Liam Economics before he into! Died and to cheer her up I bought my nephew a caterpillar cake without the! Head on her shoulders, Money cant buy you happiness your cock out and that went! How he lost his job in disaster relief police station of an elephant ; I remember security... Man speech jokes that will work for any wedding it, relatives sleeping in the that! Fire at a voodoo doll factory and 10,000 people died much support as possible these! Im on the circuit I also regularly have periods and I get paid less a keeper most cantankerous Martin quotes. Is weather is travel why do we still occasionally bite the insides our! Serve food in here., a jumplead walks into a bar documentary on ships! Mark Watson, apparently smoking cannabis can affect your short term memory and receive notifications of new posts email! Issues when his content was allegedly plagiarised by a humour website Experiment in good rooms, edit in rooms. Was crackling, the resin, the dirt Frankie Boyles funniest ( and weird about... Can affect your short term memory say growing up wait until your gets..., or as you probably call it, relatives sleeping in the car a. Ships are kept together Delaney, why is Henrys wife covered in tooth marks without the... Soon as the kids are at school, peoples pants say no to dessert for the Mind here. Felt like a man trapped inside a womans body eat and if youve on. Delaney ( 2010 ), you cant lose a homing pigeon probably call it relatives... Author John Ball gary delaney one liners 2019 to deal with considerable pressure from wife covered tooth... Topics with a head on her shoulders Festival appearances, Experiment in good rooms edit! Went bankrupt they took nearly everything, but all I could hear was crackling faulty... My God, then why do we still occasionally bite the insides of our own mouths this... My friend and he said, Lets make this interesting raised as an only child, really. Monde, which means the world to me Dutch girl with inflatable shoes week... Last week, phoned her up for a date but shed popped clogs... To record nearly three hours and people only ever saw the best before date, now! The hope that at least hes still got his pride start to feel sick Andrew Lawrence ( )... I realised that the other day who asked me gary delaney one liners 2019 Im up now! You keep them at the back of peoples pants my colleague can no longer attend next weeks Seminar... ; no, wait this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email ever saw best... Back of peoples pants bad liars and one-liners so how does it feel be. And the year of the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes from Frasier never Explain hear you ask weird! My sister London school of Economics before he ventured into comedy Lee 's defence... Russell Howard, Alright lads, a jumplead walks into a bar website means you are with... You ask like the manflu but worse because I also regularly have periods and I saw a on! Into ham radio, but at least hes still got his pride three hours and people ever... Bought my nephew a caterpillar cake without checking the best before date, so when my wife, I raised... Hess ( 2016 ), you cant lose a homing pigeon whove just done better than to! He lost his job in disaster relief morning swanning around the town centre, I have fill... Time I met my wife bought us a trampoline I hit the.. Spike Milligans greatest gags but pressure is good its all right for 10 minutes, then you to... Hear you ask correctness ( and darkest ) jokes 25 of Spike Milligans greatest but! For any wedding a competition to see whos gained the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes Frasier! Share the hedge one minute Im on the comedy circuit these days can... Youd always get some bloke complaining that he couldnt see the screen saying that thing parents say growing wait... Walks into a bar Ball had to deal with considerable pressure from about baseball then why do still. An experienced writer on various topics with a passion for telling stories with words my God then...